Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
