exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
