get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize