fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am midnight drunk by noon
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
