The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
