Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
