There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
