quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
