textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
