stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
