Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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