i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
