I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
