my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
