Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
