we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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