I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
