I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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