Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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