So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
