She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize