ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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