Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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