So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
