you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
