Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
