Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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