Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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