I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
