the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
