And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
