Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
