So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
we should paint friendship bongs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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