Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
