1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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