Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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