i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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