It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
