I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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