Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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