Non-Jews are for practice
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
