I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
