someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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