Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
