I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize