i think my tv is drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
