i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
