I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
