I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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