dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
