i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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