So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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