I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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