Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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