oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
