Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
