Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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