new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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