I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
