the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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