Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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