i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
