I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And then he peed in my hair
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