I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
