I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
