I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
