How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
