I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I will die if light touches me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
