an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
