I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
