Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
