drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I deserve this hangover.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
